We’re leaving it for the kids. [A cautionary note to elderly parents]

While standing in a checkout line, I struck up a conversation with an elder.  He said his house was too big but wouldn’t move because he would need to downsize first.  The elder said that he had decided not to clean out, instead, to leave it for his kids.  Really! That’s an unwise choice for many reasons:

1. No one has to do downsizing alone. There are many small businesses that specialize in helping with this process. These companies have resources to take your donations to those who could make good use of them. Downsizing companies have personnel who evaluate items that could be sold to help your current expenses.   Those donation tax letters could help your current finances.  Downsizing companies can help with shipping items or arrange for delivery.  Most of all they can be your support in this process. 

 

1.   Adult children’s lives are so busy that they cannot afford to take 6 months or more to go through everything.  [Yes, that’s how long it can take!] Instead, the task gets jobbed out to haul-away companies and becomes landfill.  Potentially valuable items may be dumped as junk because their value isn’t recognized.  [I found a will in a teapot and wedding rings in a sugar bowl]  You may have “stored” certain valuables in “special places” because you wanted to protect them.  If your children don’t know where they are, they can’t retrieve them.  [An elder in ICU warned me to take the knobs off his dresser drawers and lift the back panels.  I found bank books and deeds]   Your valuables could get buried in the landfill or taken by strangers.   [The carpeting was taken up to prepare for sale and $900.00 in US savings bonds were found underneath]  Is that where you want it to go?

 

1. When you review your belongings, you make decisions about who gets certain items.  If you’re out of the picture, you have opened the door to disagreements.  That can create family discord which can last for decades.  [Two sibs were still at war over their father’s WWII cigarette lighter when I was referred to the family]   Is that negative legacy what you want to bequeath to your children?

 

1. Former homes do get “cleaned out” by those who are out to take money, not to help you make money:  squatters, and vandals.  [I had to bear court costs and a 3 month procedure to evict squatters]  I have even seen homes stripped of the copper plumbing!  [The squatters took the piping but left the water running which rotted the floors]  Unoccupied houses can be sanctuaries for crime, or drug dealing.  [One vandalized house took 8 months to repair which cost tens of  thousands of dollars]  When no one is home, who sees the pipes freeze or the tree limb damage the roof?  The outside still needs mowing, raking and shoveling.  Those expenses don’t benefit you or your children.  In some areas, one must arrange for security for the empty house as well.  [I saw several homes re-vandalized.  Those cost in repairs and security expenses]   You can avoid all these issues if you are still living there.  What is the legacy you would want for your  home where you brought up your children?

 

1. Finally there are the emotional costs to your children if all your things are left for them to process. These are some of the ways adult children have expressed it:

 
“I lost so much time from my family”.
“It cost me my job (or promotion)”.
“I had to stop my education and it was harder to go back”.
“I felt so alone, like my parents had abandoned me to this task”.
“I felt overwhelmed”.
“I developed high blood pressure”.
“My sibs and I fought about sharing the work, it’s still hurts”.
 
So, what will be your legacy to your children?