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Holiday Visit Guidelines

12/10/2018

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As we approach the holidays, we consider visiting elderly relatives or arranging for them to visit us.  While I cannot offer a guarantee of a pleasant visit, here are a few things to keep in mind to avoid some of the pitfalls
 
  1. The best time to visit is the senior’s best time of day. If Great Aunt Liz does not get up until noon, her best time is in the afternoon, not the morning.  Other seniors “sundown” and become more dysfunctional in the late afternoon. 
  2. Mealtimes need to be consistent.  If Grandpa usually eats at noon, expecting him to wait for lunch until 2:00 pm is unrealistic.  Some medications must be taken with meals and preferably at regular times.  It might work to move the holiday dinner to 4:00pm and make it his evening meal.
  3. Some seniors want to lie down once they have eaten.  If that is their habit, is there a quiet place for them to rest in your house?
  4. What medications do they take?  Do they have them along for the visit?  Are there other backup supplies you should bring along; Oxygen tanks, Depends, or blue pads?
  5. Going to a senior care facility may work better from a logistical standpoint. Try to coordinate your visit with the facility’s schedule.  If Grandma is eating lunch she may not focus on her food if you arrive at mid-meal.  On the other hand, some facilities encourage families to come in and share dinner with the resident senior.   Find out the facility policy and arrange your schedule accordingly.  
  6.  Bringing smaller children means bringing a backpack.  This way, they will have activities to occupy them and supplies in case they need a change of clothes.   Provide something they can do with or for the senior while on the visit; like making a picture for Grandma.  Just as you think ahead to fill the back pack, think ahead to fill-in their information.  Let children know ahead of time that some people have conditions (do not use the word “sick”) and they need extra help.  “Sick” implies contagious to small children so find other words.
  7.  Some people are not sure if children should be exposed to a nursing home; why not?   Yes, they will point to things they have not seen and ask questions.  Answer these directly and simply.  Helping children understand the ways equipment helps Grandma prepares them for a world which will have more seniors.    
  8.  More than the information you give, it is the attitude you demonstrate that teaches children this stage is just part of the circle of life not something to dread.  I found it helpful to remind my children that they also could not walk or eat by themselves earlier in their lives.  Do you have a photo of Grandma holding them as babies?  It would be a good idea to show this now to remind them Grandma took care of them.  Show this photo before you visit the facility.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

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Thanksgiving Is A senior Cyber Weekend

11/28/2018

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 When families gathered on Thanksgiving day, some realized that their senior was not the same as last year.  Families often respond by doing internet research.  The internet is a good first step.  However, some sites make outlandish claims.  I saw one that offered a treatment that “cured Alzheimer’s”.  There is no cure and some of these sites  can offer dangerous suggestions. 

Here are a few reputable sites that offer reliable information:

Alzheimer's Association. This site also has a page devoted to explaining the different types of dementia.  It also lists other physical conditions or environmental conditions that can look like dementia.

American Society on Aging.  It can feel encyclopedic in size.  The society has done decades of research and offers reliable information.  It’s a good second step.
 
AARP offers many programs and information for families as well as seniors.  Each state has a chapter with offices in each area.  Look up your state to find help in your area.

And Senior Sidekicks offers a course; Preparing to Parent Your Parent, to prepare families for the practical issues they will face as they become caregivers.  Contact us about teaching this course in your church or at your job. Call
(217) 787-5866 or email us for more information.
 

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Home (?) For The Holidays

12/18/2017

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There it is: the street where you grew up and the house coming into view.   All your memories flood back as you park the car and unload the bags.  When you come inside, things aren’t the same.  No decorations and no special smells or music greet you.  Your parent is delighted to see you but that is as far as it goes. 

Holidays reveal the way things are now.  It takes extra effort to put up decorations and bake special dishes.   Your parent may no longer be capable of doing the extras.

How does that scene might make you feel?  It is hard to view your family home which is now  unfamiliar in its lack of holiday efforts.  Perhaps, in your heart of hearts, you had a feeling things would be different this year.  Perhaps, you even felt some physical symptoms as you reached the old neighborhood.  Perhaps you felt irritable during this trip.  The intuitive parts of us “record” small bytes of information from contacts with our parents earlier in the year.   These impressions were stored away because the other parts of our lives are so busy.   These bytes of impressions don’t go away because we grew up with these parents.   We know them in depths we cannot put in words.  Your feelings are your intuition comparing the way things were with the current data and flashing a signal to prepare you: heed that signal.  Once you understand that these vague physical symptoms are signals they lose their power.  You are not getting sick, but you may feel sick at heart.  Feeling a sense of loss is real, so are feeling sad or lonely.  Realizing things have changed is also real.

Here we are at your parents’ doorway; what do we do with our feelings?  The doorway is not the place to deal.  Let’s go through the process and look for times and ways to handle your feelings.   We have all had some nerve-wracking event and we all know how we reacted then.  We are the same people now.  Your feelings will hit you, plan for it.

Take a moment for yourself when you feel symptoms or irritation.  Yes, take a moment for yourself.   You will not be able to cope with this process if you do not take yourself into account.  If you are alone put your pen down, or take your fingers off the keyboard.  Feel your feelings.  That might include shedding a few tears, let them flow.  It will work better than at your parent’s doorway.  Perhaps you do not shed tears, punch something safe to punch!  Take a few deep breaths.

Next; reach for your positive memory.  Select one or two things that were special to you about the holidays at home.  Was it music?  You know where the records are stored and you can retrieve them.  Was a particular dish?  If you can’t bake it, there are people who can. Order it for pick up.  That pick up trip could be an outing for you to share with the parent or a chance to give you a break during the visit.  Perhaps it’s decorating you remember.  Think about those items and prioritize.  Don’t get everything out.  Putting up a couple decorations is another activity you can share with your parent.  Resolve yourself to the new situation.  This will not be a holiday like the past. You can make it a  celebration: which is our presence with each other.  That’s the greatest present.

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    Author

     "A Senior Moment" is written by Ms. Sara Lieber, owner of Senior Sidekicks. Ms. Lieber has over 30 years of experience in senior care.


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