Are you a Do-It-Yourselfer?

When I begin discussing caregiving, some families respond; “We’ll keep it in the family.”   Others comment; “We’ll do it the way our parents took care of their parents”.   Caregiving traditions are fine. However, today’s caregiving is different in a number of ways.

1. More people who need care.  Both parents can live to greater ages.  Both sets of parents can live a long time.  Grandparents may still be alive as well. Previous eras never such a crowd needing care.  That’s more than our ancestors faced.
2. Fewer people provide care.  After World War II, the average family had 3 children.  Two parent’s care, spread over three children is reasonable.  Today’s families average 1.8 children.  Two parent’s care “spread” on one child is a heavy task.  Add to that, if the adult child is married; there are in-laws’ care to consider.  Now it’s four parents and perhaps grandparents, to be cared-for by two adult children.     
3. Who does the care?  In the post W.W.II generation, many women were homemakers.   It has become an economic necessity for many families that both parents work.  How does any adult child juggle the demands of a job around the demands of caregiving?  Unfortunately, our society still seems to expect the women in the family to be the principal caregivers.  That may have worked for the homemaker generation, not for today’s working moms.
4. What does care mean today?  Our medical advances have given us many more choices.  It ‘s no longer inevitable that a stroke will end a life.  In fact, if given certain drugs in time, the stroke damage seems to erase!  Heart attacks are survivable.  Cataract surgery can eliminate a form of blindness…   Our ancestors never faced such choices.  We do.
5. What does care mean today?  We also have more options/questions and some of them are quite profound.  End-of-life issues present elders and families with major decisions our ancestors didn’t face.

These circumstances mean caregiving is a more complex, longer-lasting process working very differently than in previous generations.There are many legal and financial implications for elders and their families as they enter the newest phase of life; the caregiving phase.Our employer’s expectations have not kept up with these demographic changes. Our care systems have not caught up with the need for caregiving support. Our health systems have not even tracked the impact of elder caregiving on the adult children trying t0 shoulder this responsibility. Expecting do-your-own-caregiving is laudable, it may not be feasible. We are a society in transition.

Until our society establishes the systems necessary to track, to develop and to adjust to elder caregiving, we must find other ways to fill these gaps. Professional advice on elder caregiving is as important as professional legal and financial advice. There are courses for caregivers. There are legal and financial preparedness classes as well. The courses can help but only if we take them. We decided to prepare to have babies, or prepare to drive cars. We must decide to seek expert advice to prepare us for our transition from ancient forms of elder caregiving to a modern one.

Senior Sidekicks offers a course; Preparing to Parent Your Parent.